Is she a victim?
She has been hurt, betrayed, and deceived. In that light she has been victimized, but she does not have to stay in that position. When she trusts her own intuition and is willing to believe her own instincts, versus the words of her husband, she moves out of the victim position.
Why does she stay in the marriage?
As she says, it is complicated. It's so easy for outsiders to say, leave. Her children, shared history, religious beliefs and certainly her illness influence her decision to stay. Her staying may also be the decision she has made for now and could change depending on her health and his behavior. Women more often stay in light of infidelity; men are more apt to leave. A woman's identity is more connected to having this relationship.
Was it wise for them to talk openly with their children?
It was the only prudent decision they could make because of the public disclosure. They offered what is referred to as a shared disclosure, sharing that the marriage was in difficulty, there was an infidelity and they were working together to work things out. Children need reinforcement that their lives are stable.
How could she go on the road with him after the public exposure?
She was still in shock and there are so many decisions after a surprise and public disclosure that at the time she was most likely trying to keep her family life as stable as possible.
Was it healthy for her to do that? No not necessarily, but human.
Would it be helpful for her to know the paternity of the other woman’s child?
To not know helps her stay in denial about the seriousness of the problem.
She acts like he has this problem to deal with, can she just forget this?
That would be cheap forgiveness, forsaking her own integrity and self-respect to just forget this. The public is not aware of her true thoughts about her cancer, and it is possible all of her energy is more focused on attending to her cancer and her children.